


Within Lilac Eyes

by Flowers4myself



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Tissaia secretly loves it, Yennefer is a little shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:54:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22284436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flowers4myself/pseuds/Flowers4myself
Summary: Yennefer of Vengerberg didn't have an easy childhood, her stepfather sold her for less than half the price of a pig. Tissaia de Vries was the one who bought her. No matter how much Yennefer tried to distance herself from Aretuza, from Tissaia, she couldn't. It almost seemed like their fates were intertwined with one another. Yennefer continued to do all the wrong things, making terrible decisions, she was pure chaos. Though neither of them knew it, Tissaia was the one who would save her, who would save them both.
Relationships: Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 57
Kudos: 184





	1. Yennefer of Vengerberg

**Author's Note:**

> The story will be based mostly on the show, but I will take inspiration from the books as well.  
> Comments will lead to faster updates
> 
> I also wanted to say: It's been a while since I've written anything, I must admit I am quite rusty. I am not a native speaker, so if you notice any obvious mistakes in my writing I hope it doesn't bother you too much.
> 
> Update: Chapter one was drastically changed on January 22, so if you read it before then I suggest you read it again. Chapter two will be uploaded later today or tomorrow.  
> \- Alex

A week had gone by since Yennefer started her new life in court, she was already bored out of her mind. King Virfuril was a fool who only ever wanted to sleep with her, Yennefer complied, saying no was not an option. The days felt endless, she often wondered where she might have been had things gone differently. There was no use in thinking these thoughts; it was a waste of energy, Yennefer knew, yet couldn't quite find it in herself to stop. The result was her control slipping away in favor of pure chaos, as Tissaia always called it. If all the days were going to be like this, Yennefer would go mad. She needed to find something to keep her busy, though she wasn't sure what would keep her the sanest. She ended up researching dark magic, only a little bit, then a little more. 

_ It will not hurt to learn, I need this _ , she thought. She would never use too much of it, never sacrifice herself using her soul as balance when casting a powerful spell. No one in Aedirn was worth dying for, even if Yennefer herself did not mind dying. She learned a lot, growing more and more powerful without realizing it. Still, she did not have much practice using her magic out of court, in situations where her life would depend on it. Since most if not all of Aedirn's issues were political, her magic was never needed.

Three decades passed; many years wasted. Yennefer was sitting in her room reading a letter from her former mistress, Tissaia de Vries, when she was told to meet with King Virfuril. He instructed her to accompany his wife, The Queen, on a long journey. She was not excited, but at least it was better than being stuck in the castle. 

"I know what they say, poor Queen Kalis, another girl," The Queen said. "I mean, I'm just a womb to him," she continued. "No more than a fleshy contraption for squeezing out heirs, bastard cares more about his hounds than he does me." Queen Kalis looked over at Yennefer. "Take her," she said as she handed her over to a mortified Yennefer, who had no idea how to care for a child. 

"Why don't you stay in Lyria? Keep me company," The Queen asked, surprising Yennefer.

"As soon as I've delivered Your Majesty safely back to court, I'm afraid I must return to Aedirn," Yennefer answered sadly, she would have loved to leave Aedirn.

"I envy you. Truly. A king's mage," Queen Kalis looked over at Yennefer, who seemed lost in her thoughts. 

"Oh, come, now. We've been traveling together for days. Speak freely," she continued, giving Yennefer a small smile. 

"I love... That I traded everything to get my seat at court. I love that I believed that it would all be worth it, that this would be my legacy," Yennefer sighed. "The greatest mage to have ever graced a court. And I really, really love... that instead, I've gotten to spend the last... three decades cleaning up stupid political messes. Glorified royal arse wiper," 

Queen Kalis had glanced at her, not taking but a second to respond. "I have it far worse," she said. "People look at you for who you are, not for what you can give them. You made the right choice, giving all that nonsense up. To this baby, I am the whole world. If only it weren't so boring," Yennefer did not agree, feeling like no one saw her for who she was, only for what she could provide them. 

Before they could continue the conversation the carriage was brought to a halt.  _ What is going on? _ Yennefer thought, feeling rather uneasy. Suddenly some sort of blade cut through multiples sides of the carriage, the guards outside were screaming while being slaughtered.  _ Do something, anything, _ she told herself, she was almost frozen. 

Then the screaming stopped, all but the wind fell silent.  _ Maybe it was over?  _ Yennefer scolded herself for even thinking it would be so easy. She got up and exited the carriage, looking around trying to figure out who or what did this. The sight that met her would nauseate most, the guards were dead; all missing multiple body parts. Such a horrid sight. Looking to the left she spotted the assailants, an assassin and some sort of pet monster?  _ Fuck! I have no clue what that thing is, it does not look pleasant in the slightest. _ She was freaking out. She did not have time to freak out, they would all die if she didn't do something, anything.

"Run!" Yennefer yelled, opening a portal whilst doing so. They all ran into her portal, safe from the attacker. 

The Queen instantly started yelling about how she was going to have the brigand's head on a spike, Yennefer did not listen. That was an assassin, a seemingly powerful one at that.  _ Fuck _ ! She had no idea where to take them next. 

Not sure what to say, she decided to tell the truth. "That was an assassin," she simply stated. The Queen instantly stopped yelling, looking at Yennefer like she had gone mad.

"What are you saying?" she replied after a few seconds. 

"It appears you've run out of chances to provide your King a male heir," Yennefer continued. She was not at all surprised by the events unfolding in front of her, King Virfuril wanted a male heir, he did not wish to wait any longer. She was however saddened to find out how little she meant to him, though that should not have come as a surprise either. 

"No, he wouldn't," Queen Kalis answered sharply, she looked over at Yennefer whose only response was a slight nod, confirming what she had said earlier.

"Oh, that prick!" she yelled angrily, making Yennefer wish she lost the ability to hear. All the screaming and yelling had given her a headache, something she did not appreciate. She had always felt that headaches should be reserved for people who either worried too much, or cared too much, neither which fit Yennefer. She did not worry, so she should not be getting a headache. 

Yennefer was tempted to make a witty remark when the familiar sound of a portal opening graced her ears. She was pulled out of her thoughts, suddenly thankful that The Queen's nagging hadn't made her deaf after all.

Once again she opened up a portal, yelling for them to run to safety, landing with a hard thud. Despite the exhaustion building, the realization dawned upon her.

_ Shit, we're being tracked! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I've written anything, I must admit I am quite rusty. I am not a native speaker, so if you notice any obvious mistakes in my writing I hope it doesn't bother you too much. Thank you for reading.  
> \- Alex


	2. Tissaia de Vries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter one was drastically changed on January 22, so if you read it before then I suggest you read it again. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter.

In Aretuza Tissaia was growing increasingly more worried about the brewing conflicts in the continent. The kingdoms wanted more power, though most would not dare to do anything about it yet, eventually, they would. Tissaia knew the day would come when war knocked on her door, so she remained ready. Her students kept her busy most days, yet her focus shifted after having heard rumors that King Virfuril had grown tired of his wife's inability to provide him with a male heir. He planned to have The Queen and their newly born child killed. If the rumors were true, Tissaia wished to intervene, though such a thing was considered unacceptable in the eyes of The Brotherhood.

Tissaia knew that the only reason she even considered going against The Brotherhood was Yennefer. She was the mage currently assigned to Aedirn and King Virfuril, she could very well be caught in the middle of this, she most likely would be. Tissaia's heart always had a soft spot for Yennefer, she just hoped that if she decided to leave, she was not too late.

Tissaia spent hours inside her head trying to think of what to do. She realized that by the time she had decided on a course of action, Yennefer might already be dead. She could not afford to waste more time, quickly she conjured up a portal and was just about to leave when she heard a knock on her door.

"Yes?" she asked, clearly not pleased about the disturbance. 

"Excuse me, Rectoress, you have been summoned," the girl said while trying her best to avoid eye contact. "By Stregobor," she quickly finished. Tissaia would normally have scolded her for daring to interrupt her, then not having the courage to look at her. The girl was lucky, she was not in the mood. She sighed, she had no interest in whatever it was Stregobor had to say, he always had an opinion on matters not concerning him. 

"Tell him I will be right down." Tissaia shut the door ending the conversation. The girl hurried away anxious to deliver the message.

Tissaia walked down the hallway wondering what the meeting with Stregobor might be about. Possibly about the growing conflicts? That could be it, or it could be something else entirely. There was no point in wondering, she would find out soon enough.

The Queen had been killed. Tissaia felt her heart speeding up, she was too late. She failed her, she failed Yennefer. 

"What about the child?" she asked, her stone-cold face not showing a hint of emotion. 

"The child was nowhere to be found, he or she is presumed dead," Stregobor said, not at all fazed by the situation. 

If the child was never found, there was still hope. There was the possibility that Yennefer fought off the assailants and saved the child, Tissaia felt herself starting to relax again.

"King Virful has sent out word that Yennefer of Vengerberg has abandoned her position as court mage, committing treason against Aedirn," Stregobor continued, clearly disgusted thinking about Tissaia's former student.

Yennefer was not popular after refusing to go to Nilfgaard all those years ago, which resulted in Fringilla going instead. Tissaia was getting more and more frustrated by the minute. It was already a difficult situation, Yennefer being accused of treason did not help in the slightest. Tissaia could not help but blame herself, she acted too late with the information given to her, had she gone right away it could have been avoided. She could still help, she knew she could. If she left right away she could track Yennefer's magic, it was not easy, but it could be done. She knew that time was of the essence, she excused herself and prepared to leave. Just as she neared her study she was once again interrupted. 

"What is it," Tissaia said as Stregobor stood before her. 

"I just wanted to see if you are feeling alright, you seemed a little..." he looked at her for a few seconds before continuing. "a little disturbed in there," he said whilst smiling. 

_ Disturbed? _ She was positive that she did not show any sort of emotion what so ever, he was simply trying to ruffle her feathers, he would not succeed, she did not have time for whatever game he was playing. 

"I am feeling nothing of that sort, I am just too busy to pay attention to such matters." She turned away and started walking, Stregobor did not stop her. He chuckled to himself and headed for his study. If he had any idea of what she was planning on doing, he did not reveal it. She could only hope he would stay out of her way, but deep down she knew better than to hope for such things.

A few minutes later she arrived at the location where the Queen's body had been found. Such a mess. She was relieved that the child was not there, which made the possibility of her theory being true so much more likely.

Yennefer was alive, she had to be. She could only hope that all was well with her, both in body and mind, though she had her doubts. Things had always been rather difficult when it came to Yennefer, always balancing the line between control and just pure utter chaos, as Tissaia herself did many years ago. Perhaps she had been too hard on her, but it was for her own good. She needed someone to guide her when she was acting more like a child rather than a powerful sorceress, someone who told her to suck it up and forget about the hurt she was feeling, if not she might drown in it. 

Focused on the task at hand, she tried to imagen Yennefer, to imagen where her chaos might have taken her. She felt it in the back of her skull and at the top of her fingertips. Most would not have sensed an ounce of Yennefer's magic, let alone know where it vanished off to. Tissaia was not most; she was the Rectoress of Aretuza, one of the most powerful mages in the entire continent. If that wasn't enough, she knew Yennefer, she knew her magic. Still, it was no easy task, it would take up some of her strength, but she had plenty to spare if it meant finding Yennefer. 

She landed with a splash, her hands instantly moved in alarmed motion to keep her above water. She swam towards the shore, her wet dress making it harder to stay afloat, exhausting her in the process. Tired and cold she sat down in the sand, unaware that Yennefer had done the same not too long ago. 

A few minutes of rest wouldn't hurt, so she closed her eyes and tried to rest her mind, but failed to do so.

_ You must focus much harder when teleporting, Yennefer... The ocean is never a good place to land, my blue dress is all wet now_, she thought, too worried to be angry. Rest assured, she would have plenty of time to be angry later. 

Exactly four minutes later she decided her rest was over. She got up and started moving.  _ Must you make it so difficult for anyone to find you? For me to find you? _ She groaned, it was already nightfall and she was more drained than she thought she would be. Worrying was not doing her any favors, but the more she thought about Yennefer, the more riled up she got. How dared she? How dared she..? She made Tissaia care for her, then she took her heart with her when she left.

Tissaia knew she was making no sense, all her girls had to leave at some point, it was her job to teach them, to prepare them for the rest of their lives.

She had been walking for what felt like hours before reaching a small town, it was the perfect place to get some rest for the night. She sighed happily to herself. She felt dirty and was in great need of a bath, or two. 

She entered the local inn, The White Knight it was called,  _ such a unique name, _ she sarcastically thought. She walked over to the man she assumed was the owner.

"one room, just this night." She said, giving her best smile, there was no need to scare the locals just yet.

While waiting for her room to be ready, she overheard a conversation happening behind her.

"She looks like a mess," an older woman whispered. She wore a long grey dress, her brown eyes tired, like they had been awake for too long, seen too much. Tissaia did not care in the least about what the locals said, but she agreed, she did look like a mess. Still, a bath and some rest would change that rather quickly.

"I think she's a witch," came the answer from the woman seated next to her, she was a lot younger, yet her eyes looked even more tired than the first.

"Another one? I hope not, those terrible creatures bring nothing but trouble," the old woman replied, now they had Tissaia's attention. She turned around so fast it almost gave her a whiplash, marched over to the women, looked them straight in the eyes and sharply said; "Where might I find this witch? Answer me honestly or lose your tongue."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, hope you still find this interesting. Chapter three is almost done and will be up soon. The more comments I get, the more motivation I have.  
> Motivation = more writing, which equals faster updates. Thank you.


	3. The Tavern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being slow with the updates.. This chapter is longer, so I hope you can forgive me. :)  
> There might be a few errors, I wrote this just now at 7 am not having slept at all. Needless to say, I am very tired.

Tissaia opened the heavy doors leading into a very worn-down tavern. The women had pointed her in this direction, and for their sakes, she hoped they hadn't led her astray. _Yennefer better be here..._

" _Yennefer? Are you here?_ " Tried Tissaia, there was no response.

" _Piglet!_ " She hissed. " _You would do well to respond, It's been a rather tiresome day..._ "

" _You don't need to yell, I'm here,_ " Yennefer replied, sounding unconcerned with the arrival of her former teacher. Almost like she expected her to come.

" _Where? Tell me this instant,_ " replied Tissaia. Not getting a reply, she tried again. "I am not against tearing down every door until I find the one you are hiding behind." She hoped that it wouldn't come to that, she didn't need the locals talking about a crazy witch tearing down doors.

" _Calm yourself, rectoress, I am upstairs in bed. I will not bother to come down, it is all too comfortable here. I would rather you not come up either, I am not proper at the moment. I would rather if you just left. There is no need for you here._ "

" _I am coming upstairs, Yennefer,_ " was Tissaia's reply, her voice hard and unyielding, ignoring Yennefer's wishes.

Once again, no response.

Tissaia was growing tired, not even five minutes spent near Yennefer and she already felt a headache coming on. She started making her way up the stairs of the tavern, the steps creaking as she stepped on them. Water was dripping on the floor, some poor maid was going to have to clean that up. She made it upstairs before realizing that she didn't know which room Yennefer was in, groaning to herself she briefly considered asking, but decided not to. Looking around, seeing only seven doors, she concluded that locating Yennefer wouldn't be too difficult. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before uttering a few words. One of the doors furthest away started glowing. That was it. Walking past all the other doors, briefly wondering what kind of people it held, she continued until reaching her destination.

She didn't bother to knock, she simply opened the door and walked in. There was no protection, no barrier of any sort, which was unusual, to say the least. It wasn't even locked, which baffled Tissaia.

Yennefer was laying in bed, her dirty dress not taking away from her beauty. Still, it made Tissaia eerie, it didn't take much to get out of a dress, which meant that Yennefer was exhausted, or worse; hurt.

"Why are you being this careless, Yennefer? There is no protection here, you didn't even bother to lock the door," asked Tissaia, her voice calm and controlled.

Yennefer looked over at her former mentor, she looked like shit. Her normally beautiful dress was soaking wet, traces of sand visible. _Sand?_ She wondered. Where in god's name had she been? Did she take a trip to the beach and fall into the ocean? One could even argue that Tissaia looked even worse than Yennefer, her hair sticking out of her bun in all directions.

"Did you have a beach day? It's rather cold outside, don't you think? Still, what do I know, maybe that's how you uphold your cold demeanor and no-nonsense attitude?" Yennefer replied with a laugh.

"Also, I must say your voice sounds as lovely as ever, Tissaia. It's quite nice to hear it in person, not just in my head," she added. Yennefer changing the subject was nothing new, but Tissaia had no patience for it now.

"Just answer me, please." sighed Tissaia, shaking her head, choosing not to comment on Yennefer's change of subject.

"Fine. I am not feeling all that great. I seemed to somehow have managed to get pierced by a flying knife whilst teleporting, that might make you feel like shit, you know?" Yennefer answered, her voice laced with sarcasm.

"What?" Worried eyes scanned Yennefer, before walking with fast strides towards her. She sat down and instantly began examining her. She found the wound, it wasn't life-threatening, but she had lost a lot of blood. That was no doubt the reason that she was hiding in this shithole of a place, she couldn't portal away, she was stuck here.

"You have lost a lot of blood, Yennefer." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Yes, you are as perceptive as always, rectoress, but there's no need for worry, I will be fine. I was never in any real danger, you know that right? You didn't need to come here." Replied Yennefer, her voice gave nothing away. She didn't feel the need to tell Tissaia how all of this was making her feel, it would do neither of them any good.

"You must have learned by now that you cannot lie to me, Yennefer," Tissaia said whilst eyeing her former student carefully, shaking her head at the attempted lie.

This must have upset Yennefer, the atmosphere in the room changed. Yennefer was no longer looking as playful and uncaring as she had just a few moments ago, she looked furious. It took Tissaia by surprise, was it that easy to upset her these days? Tissaia was sure she was thinking about conjuring up a portal and send her on her ass back to Aretuza. She probably could, had she not lost all that blood.

"Why even bother asking then? If you are just going to force yourself into my mind and take the information as you please? why even bother?" Yennefer spat out, looking straight at Tissaia. Her beautiful lilac eyes shining darker than usual, seemingly filled with hatred for her former mentor.

"I did no such thing, you let me in, you always have. Consciously or not, you opened your mind to me."

"Fuck you!" Yennefer spat out, looking Tissaia dead in the eyes.

Tissaia raised her eyebrow but said nothing.

"Fuck you," echoed Yennefer, frustrated by the lack of response from the woman who stood in front of her.

"I heard you," she answered calmly.

"Fuck you, and to hell with your fake calm demeanor. I know you're mad, I can tell." Yennefer couldn't tell, but Tissaia didn't need to know that.

Tissaia chose to ignore her childish outburst, It was not the first time Yennefer decided to throw insults at her, it happened rather frequently when she was her student. Tissaia found it incredibly frustrating to deal with her. Still, when thinking about it, really thinking about it, she realized she wouldn't have it any other way. When she first came to the conclusion, it took her by surprise. Deep down she knew Yennefer was more to her than just her student, but she couldn't admit it to herself, not when she was still her student. She wouldn't have been able to do what was necessary, to make sure Yennefer had what it took, had she failed, Tissaia would've never forgiven herself.

"You are injured, exhausted and upset. I will let this slide, but only this once. I suggest you get some sleep, we can continue this conversation in the morning. Good night, Yennefer." Tissaia turned around, leaving no room for further argument.

Yennefer stared at her, mouth wide open, she wanted to continue arguing, but she had no words. She had tried to get a rise out of Tissaia, but the woman was as in control as ever. Yennefer would never admit it, but Tissaia was right, she was exhausted. She needed to gather energy, then she would fight back, she would not give in to her, not anymore. Too much time had passed for Yennefer to give in to Tissaia's every command, she was not the girl who was taken against her will, the girl who tried to kill herself, she had power now. She intended to use it.

Tissaia walked away from Yennefer, heading for the door.

"I will get a room for myself, there is no need for us to share. I will see you in the morning," she opened the door and left. Yennefer looked at her walking away with a smirk playing at the corner of her lips, did she actually think that Yennefer would remain here like some nicely behaved puppy? No, she would rest a few hours, then she would leave. She was not interested in another lesson or scolding from Tissaia, she's had enough of those for a lifetime.

She closed her eyes, sleep taking a hold of her almost instantly. She dreamt of her childhood, her pain, hopes, she even dreamt of Tissaia. The woman who saved her life, not only once, but multiple times.

-

She came to, groaning in pain. Both of her wrists ached like crazy. She started moving and fumbling around frantically, wondering how she was still alive. Her hands were bandaged, but she could still see the blood. She let out another groan, louder than the first, desperate. It almost sounded like a cry, like a wounded animal in distress. This was not a dream, she was alive. She had failed.

"It did not work," a woman said, sitting on a chair next to the bed Yennefer was laying on. "It did not work," she repeated. "Not because you did not try, you cut yourself deep, accurately. You should be dead, you would have been, had I not intervened."

The woman was beautiful. Her dark hair was tied up neatly in a bun, thin lips pursed, not in disgust or irritation, she was focused on the task at hand, focused on Yennefer.

Yennefer stared numbly at the ceiling, ignoring the woman for now. She was thirsty, so very thirsty. Her lips felt like sand, but her pride would not allow her to ask for water. She used her tongue, trying to wet her lips, to get some relief. It helped, if only for a second.

"Look at me," said the woman. Yennefer reluctantly did as she was told. She looked hard, searching the woman's face, looking to see if she was like everyone else, they all found her disgusting. After staring at her for quite some time, longer than she probably should have, she came to her conclusion; this woman was different.

"I will take care of you, Piglet," the woman said, surprising Yennefer, who had the realization that she didn't doubt what she said, not even for a second. Her voice sounded more sincere than anyone she had ever met, and she had met a lot of people.

"It won't be easy, I must be as hard on you as everyone else, perhaps even more so. Do not think for a second that I do it out of spite, everything I do has meaning, do not question it. Do you understand?" the woman spoke, radiating power and authority, Yennefer nodded her head quickly.

"Going forward, a verbal response will be expected when I ask a question. However, I will let it slide this once, only once." The woman stood up to leave. "Who are you?" Yennefer asked quickly, her voice dry and quiet, making her unsure if the woman had heard her.

"Tissaia de Vries, rectoress of Aretuza."

_Tissaia de Vries_. Yennefer wasn't sure why, but she suddenly had the urge to please her, to prove herself worthy of her affection, which was odd considering the woman had just bought her for less than half the price of a pig. Not to mention the fact that she didn't know her. Still, should affection not get her the attention that she so desperately needed, she would have to resort to a different tactic. Maybe she could act out of line? Get in a little bit of mischief? Having Tissaia angry with her, even as terrifying as she was, had to be better than not getting any attention from the woman at all.

-

Yennefer woke up, tears making their way down her cheek, no doubt caused by the dream she just had. It had been a while since she had that particular dream. She used her left hand to wipe the tears away, feeling pathetic whilst doing so. She got up, her aching body protesting against the movement, still, she kept moving. Making it to the door only for it not to open. _What the hell?_ She thought, had Tissaia cast some sort of barrier around the room? Locking her in like some sort of princess in a tower? Or a misbehaving child? Yennefer tried wiggling the handle a few more times just to be on the safe side, but the door remained locked.

She then tried chanting some incantations, hoping she had regained enough energy to undo whatever Tissaia had done. No such luck, she gasped in pain and sat down on the floor. Tissaia would pay for this, she had no right. She chuckled to herself, she should've known better, Tissaia was too smart, she wouldn't leave her unguarded, she knew her too well. Realizing that she was stuck, she saw no other option besides going back to sleep. She made her way towards the bed, furious with herself for even bothering to get out of it in the first place. Almost in reach of the bed, she tumbled forward, her body hitting the mattress with a soft thud. She closed her eyes, exhaustion making her fall asleep instantly.

A few doors down, Tissaia was finishing up her bath, feeling better now that she was clean. She suddenly froze, noticing a strange presence outside her door. Whoever it was, they radiated of anger, she could feel it through the door.

She quickly waved her hand, the now clean dress reappearing on her body. Not even a second later she heard a loud thud which was quickly followed by another one. When the third one didn't come right away, she thought that whoever was on the other side had given up. Maybe it was just a drunk man, or woman for that sake. No such luck, the third thud was even louder, and the door came crashing down, revealing who was on the other side.

Tissaia's eyes widened in shock.

_Shit_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are very much appreciated, it will also lead to faster updates. Thank you!


	4. Honesty

Tissaia's eyes widened in shock.

_ Shit _

Outside of her now torn down door, the once empty hallway was filled with people. Tissaia couldn't tell exactly how many, there had to be at least thirty, maybe more. Most of them had weapons, she saw knives, torches and even some swords. The realization hit Tissaia hard, she could feel her breath getting shallow, she felt dizzy. 

_ This can't be happening, there must be some sort of a mistake, a misunderstanding perhaps? _ Tissaia's head hurt, it just couldn't be... This was a lynching. 

In the other room, Yennefer woke up, startled by a loud noise coming from somewhere in the tavern.  _ What the fuck? What idiot decided it would be a good idea to use his head as an instrument? _ She was just about to yell some rather creative shit talk, considering that was all she was good for at the moment; however, she was interrupted by a noise coming from within her room. 

A portal appeared, Tissaia quickly stepped out of it, moving towards Yennefer. "Can you stand?" she asked. 

"Tissaia! What the fuck? Are you so lazy that you can't even walk the five meters from your room to mine?"

"Not now, Yennefer. Can you stand?" she repeated, sounding desperate. 

"Yes, of course," she replied, recognizing the tone of her voice. She stood up, shaky legs slowly moving her forward. She wasn't the least bit surprised when Tissaia grabbed a hold of her. She was grateful, embarrassed and a little confused. What was happening?

"We don't have much time, we have to go." Tissaia continued to hold Yennefer steady while conjuring up a new portal. She was aware that teleporting would be less than comfortable for her, but they had no choice. The people who tore down Tissaia's door couldn't be there just for her? If she had to guess, Yennefer was in danger too, maybe more so. There was no way that the locals arranged a lynching in the short time Tissaia had been there. She was grateful they had found her instead, Yennefer wouldn't have been able to defend herself, the thought scared Tissaia. What would have happened if she wasn't there? The result would probably have been devastating.

They stepped into the portal, she felt the younger woman's hands around her waist, holding on as they teleported away. They landed hard, much harder than Tissaia intended. Yennefer fell forward before vomiting. Tissaia quickly grabbed her hair, stroking her back while Yennefer continued to empty her gut. A little while later, the younger woman pushed Tissaia's hands away, clearly embarrassed about the entire ordeal. Tissaia sighed, one step forward, two steps back. She looked over at Yennefer, who seemed lost in her thoughts. 

_ What are you thinking about, dear piglet? _ she wondered; still, she didn't pry. There was nothing Yennefer hated more than feeling like an open book, her mind was sacred to her. Tissaia respected that, at least most of the time. There had been instances where she was forced to look, only because Yennefer was being reckless, she was impossibly stubborn sometimes, most times. Lately; however, she hadn't needed to look at all, Yennefer shared her thoughts with her, most of the time unaware she was even doing so, at least that's what she claimed. 

Tissaia wasn't entirely sure she believed her, but the incident at the tavern made her question it. Yennefer had gotten angry, there was no doubt in her mind that she hadn't meant to share anything, she firmly believed Tissaia had taken the information herself, she hadn't. Truth is, had she chosen to force her way into her mind, she wouldn't lie, she's not afraid to be blunt, to be brutally honest. Yennefer didn't scare her, not like that at least. 

"What the hell, Tissaia?" Yennefer finally said, punctuating every word, before wiping the side of her mouth. She slowly turned to face her, her eyes were bloodshot due to the vomiting, she could use a bath, she looked like shit; smelled even worse.

"We were both in grave danger, I did what was necessary." Replied Tissaia, to the dismay of her former student.

Realizing that Yennefer wasn't happy with the answer, she continued: "There were approximately thirty individuals outside of my door, they were in the hallway, ready with weapons."

Yennefer's eyes widened, whatever answer she was expecting, that was not it. "What did they want?" she continued, expecting that Tissaia would have the answer. 

"I presume they meant to have us captured, most likely executed, probably burned. I can't be sure, but that is my guess, based on previous experiences with similar situations."

"What? Are you serious? How can you say that like it's nothing, that's some insane shit, Tissaia!" The younger mage yelled, waving her hands while doing so. 

"Yes, this is indeed some insane shit, as you so nicely put it; however, I am certain I am not mistaken. That being said, I am at a bit of a loss, I haven't been in this situation in quite some time; in fact, it's been centuries." Tissaia said, shaking her head at the thought. 

"That's just great, just what I needed. These last two days have been fucking amazing." Yennefer chuckled, once again waving her hands while speaking, as she often did when she was frustrated. She'd normally walk in circles too, Tissaia suspected that she was just too tired to do so. "Also, how the fuck did you miss the arrival of thirty idiots outside your door? Aren't you the all-powerful Archmistress Tissaia de Vries?" Yennefer spat out, taking her anger out on the only other person present.

"Yes, you would do well to remember that," Tissaia replied coldly, not happy with Yennefer's shitty attitude. She wasn't the only one who was tired and miserable.

"Is that a threat?"

Tissaia sighed, it had been a tiring day; unfortunately, it didn't look like it would get easier any time soon. "I am going to make a proposition; however, I don't think you will be too happy with it."

"What's with the dramatic pause? Just spit it out," Yennefer replied quickly.

"I have to go back to Aretuza, The Brotherhood will be wondering where I am. The longer I'm away, the greater the consequences will be. I would like for you to join me." 

Yennefer scoffed, surely Tissaia wasn't serious? Yennefer would never step foot in that place again, as far as she was concerned, Aretuza didn't exist. 

"You were right, I wouldn't like it."

"I know; however, due to recent events you might want to reconsider," Tissaia tried, hoping that Yennefer would join her, deep down knowing that the answer would be no.

"You know as well as anyone that I am not welcome there, not after what I did all those years ago. The only reason I wasn't imprisoned or turned into an eel was that King Virfuril wanted me as his mage, not Fringilla."

"I am aware of what happened, Yennefer. I was there. That being said: if I say you can stay, you can stay," replied Tissaia, though that was far from the truth. She didn't feel the need to tell Yennefer that, like she didn't tell her that she was the one who saved her. The rest of The Brotherhood didn't care about King Virfuril and his wishes, not when it came down to punishing Yennefer for the insolence she had shown. In their eyes, she couldn't care less about them or their rules, they weren't wrong. Still, they wanted her gone; however, Tissaia did not. 

Tissaia kept Yennefer safe, making up some grand story about what effects denying King Virfuril his mage would have on the continent. In the end, most of them listened, Yennefer was allowed to live. Of course, Stregobor did not agree. If he didn't despise Tissaia before, he certainly did now.

"You already got my answer," Yennefer said, Tissaia gave a small nod. "I suppose I did..."

The two were silent for a little while, sitting on the ground where the portal had taken them. Tissaia wasn't sure how much time had passed, but it was time to move, she stood up. "Are you leaving?" Yennefer asked. If she was being honest, she didn't want Tissaia to leave so soon. She didn't want to admit it, but she enjoyed the company. It was also safer, considering she couldn't exactly fight anyone, no less thirty angry men. Tissaia was like her bodyguard; her strict, stuck up, annoying, frustrating, beautiful bodyguard.  _ Beautiful? _ Objectively speaking, she was indeed very beautiful, no one could deny that.  _ Please don't go tonight... _

"Tomorrow. I am tired, I need rest. You do too, I have never seen you look worse."

"You know that's not true," replied Yennefer angrily, thought her voice was laced with insecurity.

"I am not. I never found you ugly, Yennefer." Tissaia was being honest, Yennefer had always been beautiful, at least in her eyes. She looked over at the younger woman, sensing the insecurity. Tissaia decided that she would try and ease the younger mage's thoughts, it was worth a try.

"Yennefer...You were never ugly, not to me." Tissaia moved over to where Yennefer was sitting, putting her hand on her cheek, stroking her. This seemed to be the final straw, Yennefer didn't have it in her to keep it together anymore. What was coming had been building up for a long time, her emotions exploded. She grabbed Tissaia's dress, clutching it like her life depended on it, before burying her face deep in it. Tissaia felt the chaos coming loudly from Yennefer, she was ready to intervene should the need arise. 

The most heartbreaking sobs escaped her lips. Tissaia was frozen, she had never seen Yennefer cry before. A range of emotions had been shown over the years, tears never accompanied them. Yennefer continued to cry, the painful sounds escaping through the fabric. Tissaia sat completely still, scared of what would happen if she moved. Surely she would be pushed aside, once Yennefer realized what she was doing?

What felt like an eternity later, the crying stopped. Yennefer's head remained hidden in Tissaia's dress, surprising her older woman. Tissaia wondered what Yennefer was thinking. Was she angry that she let herself be vulnerable in front of someone else? This was not like Yennefer at all, what had happened to her while she was away? Tissaia was at a loss for words, which was unusual for her. It scared her how much control the younger woman had over her. Almost like Yennefer had read her mind, she opened up.

"The baby died," Yennefer mumbled, taking a few seconds before continuing. "The baby died, I was so angry, furious even. Then I became sad, depressed maybe? When all of that passed, I felt... jealous. Can you believe that? How fucked up is that? I guess some part of me still wishes I would have died that day, you should have let me die. I resent you for it, like it's your fault things are the way they are. Deep down I know you're not to blame, you saved me, I should be grateful. The world is just so shit sometimes, you know?"

That was a lot. Tissaia had never gotten that much information from Yennefer before, she wasn't sure what to do with it. She sighed, she had to say something; it had to be good, a deserving reply to Yennefer's honesty.

"The world is cruel, that much is true. I can't say for certain it's worth it, all I can say is that everything isn't shit, not all the time. Beauty exists, you just have to look closer, beyond the bad and ugly." 

Yennefer finally removed her head from Tissaia's dress, looking up at her former mentor with teary eyes. Tissaia never ceases to amaze her, she had never felt closer to her; yet, she couldn't go with her. 

"I can't come with you."

"I know, dear piglet. Come on, I'll conjure up a new portal, we cannot stay here all night."

Tissaia got up, before helping Yennefer to her feet. She held onto her, just like before whilst she conjured up a new portal. Looking over at Yennefer, she couldn't help but smile. Despite being exhausted, the time spent with Yennefer was worth all the trouble, she was happy.

It had been too long since she was truly happy, and she knew she would miss her terribly once she had to leave. Trying not to dwell too much on it, she motioned Yennefer forward. They stepped into the portal, magic taking them further away, hopefully somewhere safer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not too happy with how this chapter turned out, I probably should have had more details? I don't know.. I hope you still find the story interesting. If so, please leave a comment! :)


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